The Product Of Too Much Sugar And No Social Life
by T3h Toby-Chan
Summary: I thought this was funny when I was young and stupid.


~~~~The product of too much sugar and no social life.  
  
By: Toby  
  
A/N: I wrote this a while ago for no apparent reason. I thought I could possibly even use it as a journal entry for school, but decided against it, figuring my teacher probably wouldn't get it anyways. I've only had one person read this, my little sister's best friend. She laughed her head off, so I only hope you would all react the same way.  
  
This contains major crossovers from just about everything. But don't let that put you off. Even if you don't know half of these characters, trust me, you'll get the story. To give you an idea of just how many crossovers there are, a small sampler:  
  
LOTR (Duh!)  
  
Star Wars  
  
Tenchi Muyo  
  
Digimon  
  
Spongebob Squarepants  
  
Harry Potter  
  
Much more...  
  
It's in basic story form, and the first paragraph introduces it pretty well, so I don't have a clue why I am spending so much time and wasting so much space explaining it here.  
  
Chibi Legolas: It's because you're wasteful. :-P  
  
Shaddap! You don't know me!  
  
Kenshin: I think he has a point, that he does. I mean, you already took up nearly a page with this.  
  
::Hits them both on the head with a bokken (Wooden sword)::  
  
Hmph! Respect the Toby! NOW READ MY FIC, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!  
  
Oh yeah. I don't own ANY of these people (except me).  
  
So lets start with the story already....  
  
*******************  
  
Conisdering my incredibly boring outer shell, it seems one would have no interest in hearing about my life. And that one would probably be excactly right in their assumptions. I must say, even I am disturbed by my lack of interesting-ness, if that is a word. So how could I possibly write an interesting work about myself, when I usually spend my weekends reading Lord of the Rings or watching Spongebob Squarepants DVDs? The answer is in truth-bending, dellusion, and complete randomness.  
Before jumping into my head and observing my bizzare, mis-conveyed night life, a word of warning; Enter at your own risk. This is rather meant to be funny, but it may come out disturbing, or completely terrifying. I will tell you with a story, if it will help. Let's begin.  
I am a bipedal humanoid carbon-based creature, (I included blurb that just in case you are a trekkie, and if in which case you are, I have probably already gagged, dragged, and brainwashed you in my basement to be a Star Wars fan. I have had a grudge for trekkies for quite some time, even though I have begun an irreversable liking for Enterprise, in spite of it's insatiable cheesiness. No point to this little sidetrack, except to bore you, and perhaps even creep you out.) I am an extroverted loner, if that works. I have no real life boyfriend, but in my own little fantasy world, I happen to have several engagements to celebrities, and fictional characters. This is not to say, of course that I am uninterested in real guys, but when I have no chance with even them, why settle just dreaming small?  
So in my fantasy world, not everything is perfect. Alas, I believe that I cannot even control my own brain. But many things are quite near perfect. A word to the reader; no, I am not schizophrenic, or crazy. I do not believe the things I fantasize (entirely), but if the world were as I envisioned it, it would be like this.  
I sat crosslegged, and stared at my homeork spread out and ready on the floor. Reaching for something from my candy dish, I intently concentrated on the hope that if I wished hard enough (and perhaps found some pixie dust), it would dissapear.  
Five minutes and nothing happened. Dangit! Shoulda worked! Last time I'll ever buy pixie dust from space pirates.  
My room was absoloute chaos, but my strong will was not enough for my homework, or the room. How could it be, that I'm so busy, and yet so bored. Out of my severe boredom, perhaps something interesting could happen... Something, like...  
Bam!  
A huge animated explosion alerted me of a gaping hole in the wall. Just as I would have liked it, Ryo-okhi, the cabbit (cat-rabbit) jumped through with a mouth full of a huge fat carrot.  
"Hi Ryo! What'ya got there?"  
"Meow!"  
"That's nice." I scooped her in to my arms, ignoring the impossibly large gap she made in the wall.  
"Nice indeed!" Came a cute scottish accent from behind, "That little demon snitched the carrots that we rightfully stole from Farmer Maggot!" It was Pippin alright.  
"Hiya, Pip! Where's Merry?" I was pleased already with how this was turning out.  
"He got lagged behind. More cabbages for me!"  
"Oh well. One hobbit in the house is quite enough. I remember what happened last time. I'm still paying the delievery bill."  
"Sorry," He dug his toe in the carpet.  
"Oh, come here, you!" I grabbed him in big death grip hug, leaving him kicking and wriggling. Such a cute little thing. I just love hobbits!  
"So, eh, who's up for Monopoly?"  
"Ooooh! We does, preciousss!" Gollum crept from the hallway.  
"Hey, how'd you get in?"  
"You has left the front door wide open, preciouss! And this little hobbitses has followed us inside!" Dobby the house elf came in tow.  
"Dobby was just wondering if Dobby could borrow some eggs." said Dobby.  
"What are you doing here? I don't even like Harry Potter. I must have stepped all over about a dozen copyright infringements already. Oh well, you can play too."  
"Hooray!" both creatures did a victory dance.  
"Yeah, yeah. I'm banker, cause I'm the only one here who knows math." A bumping sound came from the closet. Gollum ("Smeagol") jumped right into my arms.  
"It's a monster, comes to get us!" The door cracked open.  
"No, that's just JarJar Binks. I've been harboring the poor thing from the angry mobs out to kill him. I always loved the guy, so cute!"  
"Me-sa wants to play with you-sa!" Great! I'm having a house party of pitiful animated creatures...  
"Ah-em!"  
And a hobbit.  
"Sooo, who wants to be the dog?" Everybody raised their hands and immediately began bickering over who recieved the coveted dog piece. The bickering became squabbling, squabbling became scrapping, and before I knew it I had a crap-load of fictional characters duking it out WWF style in my room.  
"Cut it out!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, "Unless you don't want to play at all!" Finally we all came to an agreement that we would all have our names written on pieces of paper and draw a name to be the dog.  
"And the winner is..." I reached in the hat and grabbed a slip, "Gollum!"  
"Yes! Yay, Yippee! We has the preciouss! And you filthsss dossen't!" He did a victory dance on the table. Everyone else gave him a death glare.  
"Hey! None of that! Just take your pieces and lets start." I picked out the thimble. Jar Jar reached with his long frog-like tongue and picked out the shoe, while pippin took the horse, Ryo-okhi took the racecar, and Dobby timidly picked out the battleship and I heard him silently mumble something about his plans for world domination, but decided to shrug it off...  
"Okay," I read the card, "Bank error in your favor. Collect $50."  
"Oh Phoo!" Jar Jar yelled, hitting his head, "Not again!"  
"Jar Jar," I groaned rubbing my temple, "How many times do I have to tell you. Getting money is a good thing."  
"Oh, sawwy." He smiled sheepishly.  
"We caughts you in the act, preciouss! Looksie! Looksie! The sneaky tricksie hobbitses has been stealing the money!"  
"Am not!" Cried pippin, turning his nose up defiantly.  
"Yesss! We saw you!" Gollum was jumping hysterically. I whistled.  
"Okay! Settle down!" Was all I could think to say. It is very difficult to keep peaceful sportsman-like competition between a group like this.  
"Dobby you must have seen it, you were there, right? Dobby? Dobby!" The little elf was scribbling furiously at what seemed to be the diagram of a rocket of sorts.  
"Hey! Ceasar!" I snapped in front of his face. "Did you see what happened?"  
"No, Master," He grumbled, still intently sketching, "Dobby didn't see anything."  
"Meow," Declared Ryo-okhi.  
"This is worse than babysitting." I reached for my emergency stress stash of chocolates. *I could sure use some help right about now...* I thought.  
"Have no fear! For its..." A large yellow square jumped through the window and on the dresser,  
"SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!" Spongebob annouced proudly, standing with his arms akimbo, and a blanket tied around what would pass for shoulders, if sponges have shoulders.  
"Spongebob!" I welcomed him in a hug! "Oooh! You're soft and spongey! Could you help me out maintaining order here?"  
"Sure thing buddy!"  
"Great!" I said, then thought about the kind of person Spongebob is, "No shennanigans, right?"  
"Are you kiddin'? I'm the king of seriousness." He made his most serious face, which turned out to look like a sugar high yellow square smurf.  
"I'm sure you are..."  
"Did somebody say shennanigans?" A pink blob leaped through the window after his friend.  
"No! Patrick!" I yelled, but it was too late. He hit the wall and fell face down on the carpet. Man, it's gonna be hard to explain to mom about the dead starfish in my room.  
"Is he okay?" I asked.  
"Yeah," replied spongebob, "He does that all the time."  
"So are we done with Monopoly for now?" I asked the group.  
"Meow," Replied Ryo-okhi.  
"So what else do we wanna do, Twister?"  
"I think Spongebob Stretchypants would have an unfair advantage there." Said Pippin. He did have a point. The cheery and spontaneous Spongebob has an uncanny ability to stretch himself like taffy. Darn invertibrates.  
"If not Twister, how about Clue?"  
"We could play charades!" Piped Pippin cheerily.  
"Or..." Spongebob added charismatically pulling out a soda bottle, "Spin the bottle." He raised an eyebrow.  
"No! For the love of all that's holy, no!" I screamed, grabbing the bottle from him.  
"Aw, tartar sauce!"  
"I heard something about 'spin the bottle' and Tartar Sauce!" Another explosion in the wall signaled the coming of my favorite 7000 year old demon.  
"Ryoko! Wassup, Girlfriend!" We did our secret handshake, "Way to make an entrance!"  
"So who are all these losers over here?" She surveyed the room.  
"Just some friends of mine. I guess you could say we're having a party."  
"Some party! You guys are playing board games!" She laughed.  
"Well what would you have us do?" I asked, yanking on some of her springy blue hair, "Ogle cute guys and T.P the house?"  
"Actually I thought the guy-ogling would be your idea." She responded slyly.  
"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" I got suspicious.  
"Oh, nothing!" she pulled out a notebook from behind her back.  
"My diary!" I leaped at it, just in time for her to pull it out of the way, and start hovering over the ground. I hate it when she uses her ability to fly to make me look like an idiot.  
"Come on!" I kept jumping and grabbing at it. "If you know what's in there, you won't read it in front of a bunch of *boys*!"  
"Oh, I already read it! And I should let you know, your Sweetie Pie is coming by soon!"  
"What?!?!" I screamed at her, "How did you know? How is my hair? Wait... which one?..."  
"Which one? You mean there's more?" Even she was surprised. I blushed and turned away.  
"Do you want to stay at the party or what?" I asked her.  
She nodded slowly, and continued hovering.  
"Well then get your butt down from the air, and keep your big mouth shut!!!" Ryoko obediently drifted down and sat crosslegged, pouting, and handed me my diary.  
"Thank you very much," I placed the diary on my bookshelf. "Soooo," I began, "Who did you say was coming over?"  
"I'm not sayin' a thing! You just told me not to! And believe me, you're the only person I'm afraid of getting mad." She folded her arms and turned away.  
"I'll give you candy!" I waved a chocolate in front of her face. She hesitated for a moment, and finally reached and swiped it.  
"Gimme that!" she started eating it, "So, um, Legolas is coming over. He's bringing some friends too. I called him earlier."  
"So it was Legsie! I had no idea you guys kept contact." She swallowed her candy and grabbed another one,  
"We do. He just got a cool mobile phone. I don't get what you see in him, though. He's not nearly as manly as my Tenchi." She tossed a wrapper for the wastebasket.  
"Oh, please! Tenchi is a seventeen year old farmboy. And he has a little pony tail, for cryin out loud! I like 'em mature, and Legolas is well over two thousand!"  
"Excuse me!" This voice came from an annoyed sponge, " If you haven't noticed, wer'e all still here, while you two were busy with your 'girl talk'!"  
"Nobody said you had to listen!" I stuck my tongue out at him. "Hey, speaking of all of you, where's Dobby gone to?" I got up and searched for him.  
"Dobby! Where are you? Where is Dobby?" I finally found him with several action figures, ordering them around and stepping on them at will.  
"Dobby!" I grabbed the action figures from him, "I'm getting worried about you!" I put the action figures in a drawer.  
"Dobby commands you to give those back!" He squealed.  
"Dobby needs some serious therapy!" I squealed back. Then he mumbled something about me being the first to go.  
"You know, Dobby. You need some new clothes, and a straightjacket is sounding pretty good right about now." We exchanged death glares.  
"Anyway! Who wants something to eat?"  
"We wants fissh, Precioussss!" Gollum jumped up on the table again.  
  
"Fishies sounds-a yummy!" Exclaimed Jar Jar, also jumping up and therefore disturbing a table lamp and several books.  
"I don't think we have fish. Who wants some chips?"  
"Blech! You're like the fat hobbitses with your stinky chips! We wants the fishes raw and wriggly!" Raw fish in the room sounded like a certain carpet hazard.  
"I'll see what I can do." I ran upstairs to the kitchen. In the cupboard there was a half eaten bag of Doritos. That went on the snack tray. Some carrots in the fridge, a box of cheez-its, and... for fish. Fish, fish, what do we have for fish? I looked in the freezer: a box of fishsticks. Good enough. Onto the snack tray they went.  
"Okay! I got some snacks!" Move out to the living room! I'll grab some sodas!" Gollum crept over to the bowl of fishsticks.  
"What's this, Precioussss?" He tentatively picked up one.  
"Fish," I told him, clutching a few cans of sprite. "Try it." He obediently stuck one in his mouth and jumped back in a fit of screaming.  
"Gaaah! It freezes! It burns us! Nasty icky food!" He began writhing on the ground, and beating his fists against the carpet. I guess I should have at least let them defrost.  
"Sorry! You know what? There's a pond nearby. Go knock yourself out."  
"Yippee!" He took off to the neighbor's pond.  
"Okay, now that's settled." I slumped back into the armchair. Ryo- okhi began gnawing on a carrot while Pippin popped a few doritos and Jar Jar fished out a few of each with his tongue.  
"Jar Jar, use your hands!"  
"I want Dr. Kelp!" Spongebob whined, glaring at the soda I gave him.  
"Sprite won't stain," I snapped back.  
"For a hostess, you're crabby!" Ryoko said, stretching back on the couch. I gave her a death glare as well. Ryo-okhi meowed and jumped up onto my lap, but I let her sit there. Sighing, I stroked her ears as I started to think friends like these are more trouble than they're worth.  
*Ding Dong*  
"I hope thats a pizza." Ryoko sat up.  
"It had better not be." I set Ryo-okhi aside, and went up to get the door.  
"Who ordered elf?" Came the voice at the door. And there he was; my honey, Legolas!  
"Hi!" I ran up and hugged him He brought with him a large group of friends. I hugged each of them in turn. "How is everybody? Goldberry, Hi. Padme, nice to see you. T'pol... T'pol?!? What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear I'm not a Trekkie!"  
"Your behavior is illogical. Nobody can resist the allure of crappy effects and weak plot lines." She stared at me with icy eyes.  
"Yeesh, you're scary! Well, I guess you can stay here. But no complaining or 'logic' junk."  
"And no more of that hugging nonsense from you. I shall have you know that vulcans do not partake in such sappy activities."  
"That's what you think. You don't know what you're missing." I reached over and smothered my favorite elf in a tight squeeze. "So, is anyone else here?"  
"Uh, yeah, actually, while you were talking to T'Pol, you slammed the door on him." Legolas pointed out.  
"Oh!" I let go of him and peeked through the door window. I saw a pair of unmistakeable violet eyes.  
"HoneyLamb!" I yelled out as I flung open the door, letting the red- headed Samurai in. "I'm so sorry!"  
"Hey I thought *I* was your HoneyLamb!" Legolas made a pouty face.  
"Well," I bit my lip, "You are. But Kenshin here is my anime HoneyLamb." I reasoned.  
"Good enough for me," Legolas shrugged.  
"Wasn't I your anime HoneyLamb?" Matt poked his head up out of nowhere.  
"Jeebus Crisp! How did you get here?!?!" I jumped a foot off the ground. Matt looked confused for a second.  
"Gee, I don't know. But that's not important. You never call anymore!"  
"Matt, honey, you know I still like you... kinda. But I got over you after the second season of Digimon. Still wanna be friends?" I made a puppy dog face.  
"I don't know," He folded his arms and turned away, "You hurt my feelings."  
"Fine, be that way! You can always have Kaoru!" Kenshin blushed at this.  
"Since when are you such an anime-head?" Spoke up Padme.  
"What are you talking about? I've been an anime-head since... since... Gee, it's been a while hasn't it? Fifth grade, I believe."  
"So you're in ninth grade now. What's the big whoop?"  
"I'm going into tenth. It's almost summer vacation. And since when do you use the term, 'big whoop'?"  
"Since I feel like it!" She made a face, "I was queen of an entire planet once, you know. And I was only fourteen."  
"And you're telling me this... why? I know it already! Well, whatever. Let's just enjoy ourselves. I have some DVD's and karaoke. I hear you're a good singer, Goldberry."  
"Thank you. I'll try."  
Just then gollum came around the back window with a giant goldfish in his mouth.  
"Dangit, Gollum! Wrong place! You've been into the MacPherson's coy pond!"  
"It'ss fishesss, isn't it?" He argued.  
"I'll have to re-emberse them for that. And for now, eat it out in the yard and wash your hands before you come in. I won't have fish guts in the house on my account." Gollum gave a snarl, and went to eating.  
"So, who wants to watch Legally Blonde?" I held up a DVD. All of the guys except for Legolas groaned. I know he loves Legally Blonde. Besides, all I have are chick flicks. So we all piled on the couch, but for Dobby who was writing some things on a map of the world, and Jar Jar and Spongebob, who decided to play Foozball.  
"Just keep it down while we watch it." I said, as sweetly as I could, considering I had a hobbit squishing me on the left, a space demon on the right, and a Cabbit sleeping on top of my head.  
"Where's the remote?" I asked. Jar Jar coughed it up and it landed all slobbery on my lap. "Thanks alot, buddy!" I yelled as I wiped it off on Pippin's sleeve. I pressed play, and the intro music came on. Legolas began singing, and immediately recieved a blow to the head from Goldberry, who apparently found his voice inadequate. I can't blame her.  
Kenshin and Legolas both sat on opposite sides of the couch, and I was in the middle of everyone else, so there went any hope of cuddling. I guessed hobbits are nice to cuddle, in a cute, brotherly like way, but I had already wiped Jar Jar spit on Pippin. I relaxed and watched the movie, and everybody began to nod off. (Except, of course, Legolas).  
Before I knew it, I was getting drowsy too, and I slowly drifted into la-la-land....  
I woke up, and found myself sitting on the floor with my homework spread out. 'Hmm,' I thought, 'Wasn't I just?... nah' I pushed the paper around and got back to concentrating on making it dissapear, while I paid no attention to the half chewed carrot on the floor, or the bizarrely patched space in the wall...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~The end  
  
Ok, A/N afternote:  
  
How did ya like that? I hope it didnt come off as too dry. I am planning a sequel, (keyword, planning.) Which shouldn't be too hard considering theres not much of a plot. Pweese review! I will wuv you fowevew if you weview. ::makes puppy dog face:: Come on now. It's just one witto button! Right there. You got it, go. Reviews are my preciousssss.... 


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